Bacon - there's nothing it can't do! And now, it appears that rather than providing taxpayer-funded birth control for women and taxpayer-funded abortions for women, these pressing issues can be much more readily, inexpensively, and deliciously resolved: we've just got to get guys more bacon.
Just one rasher of bacon a day can damage a man's fertility, a Harvard study has found.
What? Naw - you eat it, you don't wear it.
Researchers found that men who regularly ate processed meat had significantly lower amounts of normal sperm, compared with those who limited the amount of foods like bacon, sausages, hamburgers, ham and mince.
Y'know, this could be an answer for those illegal alien women who come here and pump out a bambino a year for ten or 15 years, too. Just require their boyfriends to eat bacon or sausage instead of tortillas, and we can trim those welfare rolls in no time. Side note: it appears that the Brit term, "rasher" is one of their "trick" measures, in which the word can mean either one strip of bacon or a full serving, which seems generally to consist of approximately four strips. They're always screwing around with language like that.