In their infinite wisdom, Porkland officials decided to dump some 38 million gallons of water from a reservoir because a teenaged punk allegedly took a leak in it. Leaving aside the question of just how much pee one kid can hold, the fact is that a lot of birds and other animals hang out near the water. Who can forget the Portland City Council member who, some 25 years ago, seriously advocated catching all of the deer in the Bull Run watershed and putting diapers on them?
There's this little thing known as dilution factor, which the brain-trust managing Porkland's water bureau apparently have never heard about. And that comes into play only if he was able to actually pee though the fence and get some into the reservoir - which, by the way, he emphatically contests.
In any case, the kid's seriously pissed.
“I didn’t piss in the fucking water,” he says, pulling a drag off a Newport cigarette.
“Everybody thinks it’s funny and a joke and I’m going to be on the news,” he says, flicking the cigarette butt into a nearby bush. “It’s no fuckin’ joke, dude. I don’t want people thinkin’ that Dallas is dumb ass because he pissed in the fuckin’ water. In our drinking water. Yeah, that’s fucking awesome. I mean, wouldn’t you be pissed about that?”
He's 18 years old, and quite obviously a genius. He's got a diploma from public schools and everything. But at least he's famous.