Your New Car

It's only a matter of time before Portland figures out that they can't force you out of your car.  once that epiphany smacks them upside the head, they'll develop a new approach: forcing you to buy and drive an "acceptable" car.  Behold your new ride:  The Puyo - which I believe is a Japanese translation from Spanish which means, roughly in English, "Has No Balls".  Admittedly, my linguistic skills aren't quite what they used to be.  But it's safe to say that you're not looking at a penis extension here.  The thing's not even aerodynamic.  Slow lane on the freeway at best, it looks better designed for riding around a golf course than having any business on a road.  This is precisely why really older folks will buy it.  It glows in the dark, which should make it easy to find.  Its soft, seamless body is "pedestrian-friendly": Pedestrians, rest assured, the soft body is designed to be gentle to bodies and the environment alike.  This makes it a perfect vehicle to drive through farmers' markets and other target-rich environments without incurring messy hospitalization bills.