The former president and CEO of Silverton Health was ordered Tuesday to serve two days in jail followed by five years of probation for masturbating in his car outside a Bi-Mart store.
That's some drive; the guy's 64 years old. Of course, his name's Dick, so there's that. Being in the health care biz, he probably should've argued that he was merely ensuring good prostate health, as recent research indicates that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer. And hey, as he was in his car, doesn't that qualify as private property?
On the other hand, this being Oregon, where live sex shows are legal under the freedom of expression clause, he could have claimed artistic license....
