U.S.—In honor of Thanksgiving week, the nation's progressives have begun to give thanks that they have so much to be angry and offended about this year.
"Thank you, unspecified deity who may or may not exist, for giving us so much stuff to be outraged about," said Staci Walder, 42, of Portland, as she prepared her vegan, kale-wrapped turkey. "I'm truly humbled that you've blessed me with the Trump presidency, the patriarchy, the laws of economics, and biological facts to rage against."
"Every year, it's important to pause and recognize how much we have to be angry about."
In other news:
Google's self-driving cars all seem to be veering hard to the left for some reason.
The driverless vehicles also refuse to make any right turns at intersections, emitting a blaring "BIGOT ALERT" error should they attempt such a maneuver.
Google programmers also said they were trying to figure out why the cars are running over every person in a MAGA hat that they see.
Lefties: the deranged gift that keeps on giving.