MaxRedline

Thanksgiving Day Humor

U.S.—In honor of Thanksgiving week, the nation's progressives have begun to give thanks that they have so much to be angry and offended about this year.

"Thank you, unspecified deity who may or may not exist, for giving us so much stuff to be outraged about," said Staci Walder, 42, of Portland, as she prepared her vegan, kale-wrapped turkey. "I'm truly humbled that you've blessed me with the Trump presidency, the patriarchy, the laws of economics, and biological facts to rage against."

"Every year, it's important to pause and recognize how much we have to be angry about."

In other news:

Google's self-driving cars all seem to be veering hard to the left for some reason.

The driverless vehicles also refuse to make any right turns at intersections, emitting a blaring "BIGOT ALERT" error should they attempt such a maneuver.

Google programmers also said they were trying to figure out why the cars are running over every person in a MAGA hat that they see.

Lefties: the deranged gift that keeps on giving.

 

And A Telemarketer Tried To Call Here This Morning....

Tryptophan-Fueled

Have a good Thanksgiving day! I'll be asleep on the couch, assuming that I make it that far.

My wife asked me to stuff the turkey. I said "Where do you want me to stuff it?" Big mistake....

Something else to chew on:

In the early part of the 1990s decade, we saw rapid private sector expansion (with private sector employment jumping 21%) while federal government employment declined. But then, federal employment expanded under Clinton’s second term, and during the Bush and Obama administrations. This government employment growth cost taxpayers billions of dollars and paved the way for government assuming more control over American lives.

By 2015, the Bureau of Labor Statistics stated there were 80% more people employed by government in America than those employed in the manufacturing sector. And federal, state and local governments employed about 21 million people. By October, 2019, this number had risen to 24,421,000 government workers, if we include the 1.4 million military employees. Of this amount, 17.3% worked for the federal government, 21.9% worked for state government, and 60.8% were employed by local governments.

Generally, the states that are losing the highest number of residents are the states that are growing government the fastest. And states with fast-growing governments are the ones charging higher taxes, because their residents need to cough up higher payments for Big Government. Plus, more government employees result in imposing more rules and regulations, more government intrusion, more bureaucratic red tape, fatter government pensions, and higher costs.

One hopes that Trump will eventually get part of the swamp drained, but he's gonna need a bigger track-hoe.

Saw another Tommy Steyer ad today, claiming that he'll revamp American health care: "If you like your plan, you can keep your plan."

That sounds oddly familiar....

 

 

Bombogenesis

The National Weather Service apparently had nothing better to do, so decided to scare people to death around the Pacific Northwest by referring to an inbound nasty storm system as a "bombogenesis". EVERYBODY PANIC!

What they were describing with the term was just another storm bringing high winds, heavy snows, and rain. We get them all the time, although they're usually more of a December - February thing. Admittedly, it's unusual for November around here, but hey.

What we got was cold temps, some blustery winds that only made it to 45 mph here atop a mountain, and a bunch of rain - stuff that you come to expect a bit later in the year, but not a big deal; I've seen rain blowing in sideways with stronger winds. Evidently it's a big deal because Holiday Travel. Yep, they closed 100 miles or so of I-5 between southern Oregon and northern California because Heavy Snow, but that's not a bad thing - many of the locals here wouldn't mind seeing that done year-round.

It probably wouldn't hurt to have fresh batteries in your trusty flashlight while you prepare for disaster. And you probably don't want to "carry snow tires"; just sayin'.

But look at the snowplow teams, intrepidly tackling as much as six inches of powder!

'There is a large number of spun out vehicles, large trucks and smaller cars, along the road that didn't put chains in their tires as required,' Denise Yergenson, a California Department of Transportation (Caltrans) spokeswoman said. 'That blocked the road and it's hampering our ability to plow.'

It's unclear how putting chains in their tires would be especially helpful, but seems to be a requirement in California.

 

Dis-Comfort Animals

WASHINGTON — It seemed, in retrospect, a bit of a low point — a medium-size dog racing through an airplane at 30,000 feet, spraying diarrhea toward passengers throughout the cabin.

But according to some transportation officials, it was an increasingly typical scene that has stemmed from the growing use of comfort animals on airplanes.

“Over the last three years, there has been an explosion of emotional support animals, which seems to have coincided with websites that tell people how to get their pets on board and not have to pay for it,” said Sara Nelson, the international president of the Association of Flight Attendants.

Since 2016, the number of behavior-related service animal problems, “including urinating, defecating or biting,” has increased 84%.

There is no such thing as an "emotional support" animal; the applicable term is "pet". It'd be really interesting if someone shows up to board a plane with their "emotional support" elephant. Probably just a matter of time....

 

Exotic Dancer, Exotic Danger...

Probably just a "single mom" working her way through college. Aren't they all?

An exotic dancer at a club in Clearwater was arrested early Sunday morning after police said she kicked a club manager three times -- including once in the genitals.

The incident occurred about 1 a.m. at Sinsations, 20866 U.S. Highway 19 N, when a manager asked exotic danger Lakiesha Harrell Ortiz, 35, to leave for the evening, according to an arrest report written by a Clearwater police officer.

As security and the club manager tried to calm her, Ortiz kicked the manager “directly in his genitals, while she was wearing high heel ‘exotic dancer’ shoes,” the report states.

Apparently, it's a class joint - low class, that is.

But she has good aim - maybe she should try out for the NFL as a kicker.

 

 

 

Thanksgiving's In Three Days Have A Happy One!

 

No Sympathy

For the first time in New Jersey, a Monmouth County jury on Friday found a woman guilty of vehicular homicide for texting while driving.

Prosecutors said Alexandra Mansonet, 50, was distracted by a text about dinner plans when she rear-ended another car, causing it to strike 39-year-old Yuwen Wang as she was crossing the street in September 2016. Wang died five days later. Wang, who had gone for a walk while on a break from her job, flew into the air after she was hit. Her head bounced off the pavement “like a basketball,” witness Joseph Matich testified at the trial. She suffered severe brain trauma and died on Oct. 3, 2016.

Mansonet faces as much as ten years in prison, and it's about time that folks started taking cell phone driving seriously; it's not as though hands-free options aren't widely available and inexpensive.

I've had to dodge those folks before -especially memorable was encountering an SUV "driving" woman in a parking lot: she had a phone in her left hand and a drink and ciggie in her right. She must have been trying to steer with her knees. Came close to a head-on wreck on that occasion.

I've heard that there are jammers that can block cell signals. They might be worth the investment.

 

Why Autopay Is A Bad Idea

A US Navy veteran whose body was found inside his apartment in Dallas, Texas, is believed to have lain dead there for three years.

Pete Schulte, a detective with the DeSoto Police Department, said Mr White's month-to-month lease on the apartment had been paid from an account into which his Navy retirement fund was regularly paid.

The payments never stop until the bank account's drained.

Please make a note of it.

 

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