MaxRedline

There Oughta Be A Law!

No worries; chances are that it's already on the books as a federal offense:

In America’s early days, the law was fairly simple. The Constitution specifies just three federal crimes: piracy, counterfeiting and treason.

Since then, however, the number of no-no’s has expanded by the millions, encompassing everything from how many beers you can drink while riding a bike in a national park (zero) to what shape margarine pats must be served in restaurants if they aren’t clearly labeled as margarine. (For God’s sake, triangles! A Hartford, Connecticut, restaurant owner was arrested in 1952 for serving square pats of margarine.)

Because watery ketchup isn’t really ketchup at all, the government regulates how thick the sauce must be.

The flow rate is measured by an instrument called a Bostwick consistometer. Basically, the ketchup is allowed to flow down a trough and an observer measures how far it can travel in 30 seconds. Any farther than 14 centimeters and it ain’t ketchup.

Ketchup that’s too runny must be slapped with a conspicuous “substandard” in 12- or 14-point type, according to the Feds.

And the government even regulates how to spell ketchup. Turns out there are just three permissible spellings: Ketchup (definitely!), Catsup (Ok, sure) and Catchup (sorry, wut?).

Statute 18 U.S.C. § 336 makes it a federal crime to issue “any note, check, memorandum, token, or other obligation for a less sum than $1” in lieu of money.

Title 21, Part 139, of the Code of Federal Regulations sets rigid standards for the specifications of noodles — though on just four varieties.

It requires macaroni to be tube-shaped and have a diameter between 0.11 and 0.27 inches.

Monkeying with the weather is strictly prohibited.

The rule has its origins during the Vietnam War, when the United States spent millions trying to figure out how to create downpours over strategic enemy sites.

When that information leaked in the press, Congress enacted 15 U.S.C. § 330a, which says that “no person may engage, or attempt to engage, in any weather modification activity in the United States” without notifying the secretary of commerce. Violators could be slapped with a fine of up to $10,000.

Swiss cheese must have holes developed throughout the cheese; failure to manage that is a violation of federal law.

I firmly believe that for every new law that goes into the books, two should be removed.

 

We Have To Pay over $70 A Month - And the Rate Just Went Up

And now we know why:

The city of Hillsboro is partnering with Metro, the regional government, on a pilot project aimed at cleaning up the city's streets. Hillsboro and Metro have joined forces on a new trash-collection program that provides free garbage pickup for homeless people in the Hillsboro area.

No responsibilities; more "free stuff". And some people wonder why the bums keep gravitating to the areas around here....

They don't mention whether or not used needles can be included with the "free" garbage pickups.

 

Grocery Follies

A New Brunswick woman who bought a Halloween decoration at a local yard sale found out the hard way that sometimes skeletons are best left in the closet.

Rachel Schmidt of Fredericton, N.B. and her 11-year-old son recently bought a realistic-looking skeleton decoration at a local yard sale for $2. When “Jeffy,” as the decoration’s been named, couldn’t fit in their trunk, the two decided it would be funny if it rode in the front seat.

Schmidt went to shop for groceries later in the day and left Jeffy in the car. When she came back out, her car was blocked by a police cruiser as someone had apparently called out of concern for what appeared to be a body in the car.

Sure - killers always drive around with a corpse strapped into the front passenger seat, don't they?

There seem to be some unobservant worry-warts in New Brunswick.

 

Why Bother With Farcebook?

The document, titled “Hate Agent Policy Review” outlines a series of “signals” that Facebook uses to determine if someone ought to be categorized as a “hate agent” and banned from the platform.

Those signals include a wide range of on- and off-platform behavior. If you praise the wrong individual, interview them, or appear at events alongside them, Facebook may categorize you as a “hate agent.”

Hey, it's their platform, so they can do what they want with it. Spying on peoples' off-platform associations seems way over the top, however - but then, I don't do Farcebook anyway.

 

Concerned Families Say They'll Leave California If Vaccine Bill Passes

Well, bye. Just don't move up here; we don't need you and we certainly don't want you. Move to Haiti or the Dominican Republic or someplace like those countries.

A speech pathologist, Sabino now says she’s ready to quit her job and leave California to protect her daughter from a proposed law she fears would force her child to receive vaccines.

Fortunately, Sabino isn't planning to move to the Pacific Northwest. Yet.

 

Read more here: https://www.sacbee.com/news/politics-government/capitol-alert/article231128953.html?#storylink=cpy

Oyster Rights!

In its new crusade for veganism, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has rushed to the defense of oysters and other bivalves, insisting they should be respected and never eaten.

If they want to promote their supposedly vegan lifestyle, fine. Doing stupid stuff doesn't help their cause.

But then, they're only in it for the money.

 

Backlash

House Democrats apparently believe all of their hard work chasing impeachment, collusion and obstruction claims against President Donald Trump deserve a reward. Tone-deaf Congressional Democrats are now proposing a pay raise for themselves, lifting a nearly decade-long pay freeze that would effectively give them an extra $4,500 next year, according to The Hill.

Rank-and-file members of Congress earn $174,000 annually, while members of leadership earn more. The Speaker makes the highest salary at $223,500 while the majority and minority leaders earn $193,400.

Sen. Ben Sasse: "These jokers couldn’t hold down a summer job at Dairy Queen pulling this kinda crap.” 

All in all, the idea doesn't seem to be going over very well. Might go better if they did some actual work - like finding ways to reduce health care costs, repair/rebuild infrastructure, things like that. Instead, they spend their time running around like headless chickens. And having lived on a farm in my younger years, I've seen my share of headless chickens.

 

 

 

What Border Crisis?

One of the several "caravans" streaming through Mexico on their way to the USA.

If, as some claim, the USA sucks, why are so many trying to get in here? Seems odd.

 

This Story Isn't Going To fly Even In Florida

Newly released video dating back to March 2017 shows murder defendant Ronnie Leon Hyde, 63, speaking to investigators before his arrest for allegedly killing Fred Paul Laster, 16. A detective confronted him and accused Hyde of putting the teen’s dismembered body in a dumpster back in 1994. Hyde was told all the evidence pointed to him. In response, he referenced a certain conspiracy theory.

“There’s evidence that Lee Harvey Oswald killed President Kennedy, but that don’t make it true,” he said.

Whacky, this one.

 

Latest From San Fran-Freako

SAN FRANCISCO (CBS SF) — San Franciscans may soon be able to bounce their way around town, if a Swedish-based mobility company has its way.

Earlier this month, start-up company Cangoroo announced plans to deploy hundreds of pogo sticks in select cities to directly compete with electric scooters as a transportation option.

Should be really interesting when they hit a few of the poo-patches littering the streets and sidewalks down there.