MaxRedline

Found Humor (But True)

All In

 

Finland Gets Serious About Covid-19

They're deploying dogs to sniff out Covid-19 at their main international airport. It's a trial, expected to last four months, but if it works as well as they think it will, it'd be a cost-effective means of screening for infected travelers. Presumably if a traveler passes the sniff test, they won't have to self-isolate for the usual two weeks.

Evidently, the virus hangs out around the butt and crotch areas....

 

Election Coming

It's going to be a very high turnout election, with turnouts of 275% in some Democrat precincts no doubt.

 

 

Progress

Well, it was Muslims who thought of using sheep intestine as a penis sheath. Then the Brits took it one step further by introducing the idea of first removing the intestine from the sheep.

 

At The Rate They're Going, Yeah

I Don't Doubt It

SACRAMENTO, CA—While many Californians are growing increasingly worried about the wildfires spreading throughout the state, Governor Gavin Newsom assured everyone that the fires are actually "mostly peaceful."

"The fires are mostly peaceful, mostly calm -- nothing to worry about," Newsom said as the fires burned through thousands of acres of forest behind him. "They are peaceful infernos and will definitely not burn your house down or anything. We're fine here, everything's fine here. How are you?"

Newsom also pointed out that fires were here before humans, and so in a way, we stole the land from fires, and the indigenous infernos are just taking the reparations they are due.

Yes, it's from Babylon Bee, but completely believable.

 

Sulky Socialist

Alexandria gets to speak at the DNC convention - for 60 seconds, and she's most perturbed about it. Admittedly, it's something of a slap in the face, but the barkeep has spent most of her time alienating as many people as possible.

It seems to be payback time. I'd probably be a better person if I didn't enjoy it as much as I do.

However, I also observe that she is, in fact, despicable - and that's when she's on her her best behavior on any given day. It's been noted that if her brain was transplanted into a parrot, the bird would fly backwards.

 

Portland Cop Retains Humor Despite The Riots

Protesters took particular umbrage at an incident in which officers detained a woman and patted her down. When a freelance reporter told them to wait for a female officer per procedures, the officer responded, “How do you know I don’t identify as a female?”

That cop deserves a commendation!

 

 

Toldja!

CHARLESTON, SC—A Black Lives Matter protest in South Carolina started to get out of hand, with people screaming at police officers stationed nearby. It threatened to get violent until the protestors paused after noticing they were all white. The protestors insisted they had some black people with them earlier, but it appeared that they had all left when the protest started to get out of hand. “It’s possible they had jobs,” suggested one protestor.