MaxRedline

Catchy Name For Human Compost

SEATTLE — Recompose is building its first human composting location in SODO. The company will be the first of its kind in the world and is set to open in spring 2021.

Rather than burial or cremation, they'll take your corpse and turn it into compost for a mere $5500 - less than half the cost of traditional burial, though a bit more than cremation. Although the process takes about a month, you'll end up as part of a square yard of dirt. And you won't have a bunch of chemicals replacing your blood, unlike standard funeral home practices. So you can safely be re-used to grow healthy plants.

The process requires putting a body in a vessel with wood chips, alfalfa and straw.

Basically, you'll be indistinguishable from the rest of the stuff in there by the time the dirt (and you, now part of the dirt) are removed from the container. You can end up growing trees or food, even house-plants. If the latter, who knows? You could end up running for president, winning, and perform as effectively as Jimmy Carter and Barry Obummer!

All thanks to Recompose.

 

Give Her Points For Creativity...

A 22 year-old sweetie got married and now wants out, but she doesn't have much cash. So she'd apparently like to (ahem...) spread her payments to a good divorce lawyer. Sort of a barter, apparently. She ran an ad on the New York City version of Craigslist, which doubtless many young lawyers out there pore through regularly: "New York Damsel In Need Of A Divorce".

I'm a young 22 year old girl who made a mistake and married someone I thought I loved. He used me to get a green card and I need to get out of this!

I know nothing about the process of divorce and I don't have much money. I'm young and attractive...maybe we can work something out?

Please email me your resume and law practice. I prefer someone with a good reputation and lots of experience.

Presumably, she cleverly pasted some white dots in strategic places so that she couldn't be identified via her tattoos. Yeah, that'll do the trick!

Obviously, she's got class; she's a "damsel", after all.

 

Thanks, Obama.

An illegal immigrant alien fled to Mexico after he was arrested for his involvement in a fatal car accident. Alejandro Maldonado-Hernandez was street-racing when he crashed into an Oregon couple’s car, killing an older woman and severely injuring her husband. The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is now blaming the Washington County Sheriff’s office for not honoring an immigrant detainer request.

No safer place for illegal immigrants than Portland, Oregon?

 

Welcome To Oregon!

A police report reveals “Seinfeld” actor Charles Levin’s body was discovered naked without “external genitalia present” and partially consumed by vultures at the bottom of a slope in July. The 70-year-old comedian, who went missing in late June, was reportedly dead for days when his remains were discovered in a remote part of Oregon, according to a police report obtained by The Daily Mail.

The vultures were just doing their job; batting cleanup, as it were.

Some folks take the whole "communing with nature" thing to extremes. In Levin's case, it became "consuming by nature."

 

 

The Number Two Tavern

This is the world’s first pub powered by recycled human waste. The power for The Number Two Tavern is coming from a ground-breaking process, called “anaerobic digestion”, which converts waste into biogas that can be used to generate heat and electricity.

Not exactly ground-breaking, as digesters have been around for quite some time, but it is admittedly a novel application of the technology.

The resulting power is stored in a standard hybrid-vehicle battery pack, then fed through an inverter to power lights and other equipment.

It's not a real pub, however; it's a demonstration project - basically a stage-set like you might see at a theater. It does serve real beers (not the crappy stuff), and both the exterior facade and the interior look remarkably permanent.

 

Now They're Coming After Your Toilet Paper

More than 150 groups are pushing the maker of Charmin toiler paper and Bounty paper towels to use recycled materials in its products. "It's just unacceptable that a company like P&G is making toilet paper, a product that is used for seconds and flushed, from virgin pulp," said Shelley Vinyard, boreal corporate campaign manager for the Natural Resources Defense Council and one of several dozen protesters at P&G's annual shareholders meeting in Cincinnati, Ohio, on Tuesday. 

P&G offers a simple reason for not using recycled wood pulp: It doesn't make for good toilet paper.

Good point: there's no reason to produce a product that consumers don't like, and P&G's experience making recycled tissue products shows that "a significant amount of recycled fibers ends up as solid waste sludge going to landfill."

Reminds me of back when Sheryl Crow was recommending only using one square of toilet paper.

 

Mugged

BEAVERTON, Ore. (KOIN) — Beaverton police know exactly what one car prowler suspect looks like, thanks to a dashcam that caught him in the act.

The woman whose dashcam recorded the crime lives at the Sorrento Bluff Apartments in Beaverton. She told KOIN 6 News one of her neighbors noticed one of her car’s doors was hanging wide open on Friday morning.

Prowlers appeared to have spent the previous night combing the parking lot, looking for unlocked cars. The woman’s motion-activated dashcam caught one prowler completely by surprise.

“It starts recording without any light but, after 10 seconds, the light comes on and he was startled — him and his friends,” said the car’s owner, who wanted to remain anonymous.

Unsurprisingly, this spooked him so much that nothing was taken from her car. Ideally, of course, you don't leave anything in the car, but an amazing number of people seem to do that. They're begging to be robbed.

 

Re-Use, Recycle - Tampa-Style

TAMPA — Zion Cemetery has been found.

Ground-penetrating radar has detected what appear to be more than 120 coffins under an apartment complex in Tampa, the remains of the lost cemetery revealed by the Tampa Bay Times.

The 2½-acre, segregation-era burial ground, believed to be the city’s first for Blacks, was established in 1901 along the 3700 block of Florida Ave. and extended back around 400 feet.

The city moved the marker stones, but not the bodies.

The radar confirmed that Zion is still there, parts of it at least, under ground that today is home to the back of the Robles Park Village public housing complex owned by the Tampa Bay Housing Authority.

Clark Simmons, vice president of the tenant council, was brought to tears.

“Those people are still there,” Simmons said. “Jesus Christ.”

The Housing Authority has said it will not remove any of the bodies.

They just built a series of five-story apartments over the bodies of the buried Blacks. Kind of the ultimate in re-purposing.

All told, Robles Park Village is home to 1,118 people in 483 units across 67 buildings. In 1951, the Housing Authority unearthed three caskets during construction of Robles Park Village but did not search for more. At the time, the apartment complex was open to whites only.

The cemetery reportedly contained around 800 bodies. A lot of those appear to be under apartment buildings, now.

 

So Much For Saving The Planet In California

California’s largest operator of recycling redemption centers has shut down and laid off 750 employees. The Mercury News reported Monday that the company, Ontario-based RePlanet, has closed all 284 of its centers.

Advocates are urging the state to reform how it subsidizes recycling centers.

Subsidizing? Why do that? If you have to be subsidized, you've got a bad business model.

We have recycling centers here in Oregon; I just don't see any point in driving for five miles (there and back) to return bottles and cans..."carbon footprint", you know. I didn't mind taking the containers back to the store, but I'm sure not going to drive over to a recycling center and stand in line while the bums unload their stolen shopping carts to redeem one container at a time. Been there, done that, and don't any more. I have to pay for weekly recycling - whether I want to or not - so it's easier (and more "environmentally-friendly") to just dump the containers into the bin.

Whenever government gets involved, they invariably screw things up.

 

Composting

It may soon be legal for the dead to push daisies, or any other flower, in backyard gardens across Washington state.

The state legislature recently passed a bill that, if signed by the governor, allows human bodies to be composted - and used for mulch.

This was once a human. It was stuffed into an 8' by 4' "vessel", along with alfalfa, wood chips, and straw. The end result is compost. It takes about a month, and they end up as roughly one cubic yard of compost.

The Census Bureau, in a 2017 report, predicted a death boom: 1 million more Americans are projected to die in 2037 than they did in 2015. Human composting, its supporters say, is an eco-friendly option that can meet this growing demand. A Seattle-based company called Recompose plans to offer a service called "natural organic reduction" (it has two patents pending) that uses microbes to transform the departed - skin, bones and all.

It's projected to cost families about $5500 - somewhat more than cremation but far less than a traditional burial.

And it produces a product that can grow stuff.