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USPS

A few years back, they actually published an article on how to ship a hippo:

Hippos

You'll need:

• 1,000-gallon tank per hippo
• 1,000 gallons of water
• Crane
• 1-pound sedative
• Soothing hippo music
• 2 Aspirin (for you)

How to pack:

1. Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity, why do you have a hippo, anyway?)

2. Apply sedative. Take two Aspirin.

3. Hold it, hold it - put the hippo in the tank, first. Start with soothing hippo music, followed by a large winch and crane.

4. Now go relax in a hot bath before the forklift arrives.

WAIVER: We in no way advocate moving a hippo or any animal without the express advice and consent of your local vet or zoo keeper. If you'd like advice from a veterinarian on moving with pets click here .

Um. Interesting. Not the way I'd do it. I've shipped a fair number of large animals in my time, and with a hippo, ditch the tank scenario - it's not going to work. Get them used to entering the crate, where they get food, water, and treats. Once they're comfortable, which will take a week or two, load it into a semi and send it on its way. Ideally, you ride in there with it to provide more food, water, and treats as well as the comfort of your presence.

No crane or winch needed. And under no circumstances, whether it be any sort of megaherbivore, do you sedate the animal; that's asking for trouble, and I have refused to agree to it for that very reason. It's best to deal with a lucid animal, especially when it's bigger than you are.

 

Critters 'N' Brits

Over the years, a lot of staff have died in British safari parks, and several owners have been seriously injured as well. This is because Brits seem to have a remarkable case of overconfidence which, coupled with a general lack of knowledge regarding animal behavior, causes them to stroll into enclosures containing wild animals rather than first calling them up into holding units. The latest case in point, which occurred yesterday:

THIS is the British safari park owner who was savaged by a huge male lion after entering its enclosure in front of horrified onlookers. Distressing footage shows Mike Hodge being attacked by the big cat yesterday at the Makarele Predator Centre in Thabazimbi, South Africa. The Brit, who relocated from the UK with his wife Chrissy in 2003, is currently in hospital and is said to have sustained neck and jaw injuries.

Yes, quite. Well, that'll happen, old chap, as adult lions generally go for the head and neck. In the words of a friend of the park owner:

"He is no fool around lions and knows how to interact with them but clearly something went wrong" she said. Um...what went wrong is that he was a fool for entering the enclosure without first relocating the animal.

It's a Brit thing.

But being raised around animals does seem to bring certain benefits:

New research offers evidence for a claim made regularly by country music singers: Growing up with a little dirt under his nails may make a country boy a little shy. But compared to a born-and-bred city slicker, that country boy will grow up to be a stronger, healthier and more laid-back man.

The finding strengthens the suspicion that growing up in sanitized urban environments is making many of us more fragile when it comes to warding off certain diseases.

Basically, hygiene theory postulates that dirt's good, cows and horses are good, and a whole lot of other things that you don't encounter when being raised in an apartment in the city are good - because they condition developing immune systems to respond appropriately rather than going into overdrive.

And a Danish study published a couple of years ago, following nearly 3 million people, concluded that those born in densely-populated areas have a higher risk of developing schizophrenia, bipolar disorder,  and autism than their counterparts in rural areas. In fact, birth in an urban environment is associated with an increased risk for mental illness in general and for a broad range of specific psychiatric disorders.

When you consider that here in the USA, most leftists are in the big cities, they may be onto something. And around here, leftists claim that we need more density, more condo and apartment bunkers. They're sort of clamoring for more mental health issues, it seems.

 

 

 

Trail Tip: Don't Run.

Brett Larsen, 50, and his wife Lulu Shi, 39, had a terrifying 'once in a lifetime experience' on their honeymoon safari in the Kruger National Park, South Africa.

A bull elephant decided to charge them and their guides. Safari guide Dean Oellofse stopped that nonsense by not panicking; instead, he made himself appear larger by holding up his hand and yelling "Whoa" at the animal. That often works surprisingly well.

Mr Larsen said the elephant tried coming at them a total of three times, and every time, Mr Oellofse's calm and firm communication with the animal made it rethink.

Notice that the ears go back, then the animal throws some sand on his back, and walks away.

Ears extended, as seen in the first image, is an aggressive posture, but when the guide stayed put, the bull was flummoxed. That happens with elephants; when they can't figure things out, they tend to stand down. I've often said that when you get one to the point of wondering how you knew what it was going to do before it knew what it was going to do, you've got it - that elephant won't mess with you.

I once dealt with one at a zoo where officials were considering housing the cow by herself, because she attacked people for no apparent reason. That was a bad idea, because as she was very socially-oriented (with other elephants) it would have amounted to psychological torture. So I watched her for a while, and formulated an approach to break her habit of attacking. It was easy.

 

Oregon Zoo's Latest Attraction

Is a rock-climbing wall. Because, you know, they're all about quality animal care and conservation, and rock-climbing is really an important part of that.

Sort of like the amplified concerts they hold ever other night all summer long; concerts don't bother the animals, you know. These folks are "professionals".

More idiocy from that place.

 

Vigils

It was a weekend for vigils, by the look of things:

Animal "rights" group "IDA" mustered up around a dozen stern protesters yesterday in order to take advantage of the first anniversary of the euthanasia of Packy the Wonder Dog. Hey, free publicity! Okay, Packy was a 54 year-old Asian elephant that was born at Portland Zoological Gardens/Washington Park Zoo/Metro Washington Park Zoo/Oregon Zoo, not a Wonder Dog - that's just how I thought of him. He was euthanized because he mysteriously came down with tuberculosis and didn't respond to treatment. He lived his entire life at the zoo, so how he, staff, volunteers, and other elephants became infected remains officially a mystery, although I have a pretty good idea regarding how that happened.

The turnout was YUUGE - at least by that bunch's standards. The zoo, of course, published a surprisingly well-done piece, given the source.

But when it comes to vigils, the folks in Minneapolis really showed the little animal-rights group in Portland how it's done: they turned out 100 people Friday night  for a candle-light vigil - in the snow - to  remember their Arby's sign. The fast-food joint there has closed, and the sign's coming down. I reckon it makes as much sense as "protesting" the euthanization of an elephant that happened a year ago, and it drew a lot more participants.

 

London Zoo Was Burning Down,

It took 72 firefighters more than three hours to bring the fire under control, after it broke out in the Animal Adventure cafe and spread quickly to an adjacent shop.

Doubtless, 70 firefighters had to stop for tea-time. When I was there, they had meerkats running around in the bottom of a moat in front of their elephant yard. Evidently, they changed that setup over the ensuing years, which would have been a good thing if they'd done it correctly.

 

It's All About The Animals

If you have $75 to blow, it'll buy you 30 minutes of quality time with a zoo administrator two-toed sloth at the Oregon Zoo in Portland. How cool is that? Screw that antiquated idea of the animals coming first; there's money to be made!

Years ago, zoo staff checked on animals as soon as they arrived. Today, they make breakfast, update Facebook, check email...it might be an hour and a half before they bother with looking in on the animals. Having infected the elephants there with tuberculosis, along with several staff and at least one volunteer, they're now doubling down on their policy of allowing people with no medical screening to interact with animals - as long as they have the cash.

The animals are by no means at the top of their list of important stuff.

 

Pronghorn

Often referred to as antelope, they aren't.

They're remnants of the Pleistocene era, and unique to North America. They're capable of running at 45 mph for miles at a time, although they can hit 60 mph for short bursts.

This is why you don't see them in zoos; adapted to the wide-open range, they'll break their necks in zoo facilities as they run into walls and other structures. When you visit Hart Mountain National Antelope Refuge in southeastern Oregon, you're not looking at antelope at all, but something much more ancient.

Stumptown Scud

Apparently unique to the Portland area waterways - which given the amount of pollution in the waters around the "Green&Sustainable" city is something of a feat in itself. As the old adage goes, "even a blind hog, in a forest of oaks, will uproot the occasional acorn." The same can be said for Oregon Zoo.

Portland, Oregon's Homeless Crisis

Take a good look at them. They've got money for tobacco, and even if the legislature bumps up the tax by $2 a pack as they've reportedly been considering, you can bet that these poor waifs will manage to scrape enough cash together to buy more ciggies. And they almost always have a dog - in this case, two. Unlicensed, of course, and un-vaccinated. Because they homeless!

Do any of these jokers look as though they're unable to work?

When I stopped by Big 5 in a Tigard strip mall the other day to look for a new pair of shoes, there was a fairly good-looking gal, maybe 18, sitting on the sidewalk against a storefront, sucking on a ciggie and playing with her puppy while some guy who looked to be around 40 paced back and forth. These poor homeless people can't work! Despite the fact that Fred Meyer, Buster's Barbecue, and other shops all around the area are advertising with signs and flyers for employment opportunities.

Nope, the answer, according to Portland and Multnomah County, is for them to build 200 square-foot "tiny homes" for these clowns at a cost to taxpaying residents of $75,000 - and - residents are supposed to allow the government to install these things in residential back yards and agree to let "homeless" people live there for five years. Thanks, but no - I'd rather not have our licensed and vaccinated dog running through hypodermic needles and ciggie butts in the yard.

It's hard to imagine a more effective way to destroy property values across entire neighborhoods around here.

What a freaking zoo.